Being on my own & not being able to find my direction frustrates the piss out of me.
Here's what I know:
1) Magick is a huge part of my Life & will always be a part of my Practice & an ongoing study.
2) I like devotion work. Which is weird for a girl who keeps saying she's agnostic, I know this. But the fact remains that X & I have a dedicated altar for Brigid in the center of our home on which we light candles & incense in Her honor nearly every day. The fact remains that honor Anubis in my Spirit & touch/kiss/whisper to His statue every time it catches my eye. The fact remains that I just commissioned an Etsy artist to create a mini Chaos shrine for Eris for us. Oy vey. So, no matter how illogical my brain thinks it is, my Heart is there.
3) I can't seem to get away from Druidry. The embittered part of me that hates my ex-husband and his particular brand of it makes me want to wash my hands of the whole thing. But I was drawn to it before him & I'm still drawn to it after him. GRRR
4) Hexcraft/Pow-wow holds a huge draw for me. Feels like it comes naturally in spite of the Bible stuff.
5) The fuck does Anubis want with me? I mean, really. I tried looking into the whole Kemetic religion thing. Totally not interested. But He has been in & out of my transom for the better part of the last 20 years. Why do I adore Him so much? Trying to find out how I am to work with Him is elusive & frustrating.
So... there. Writing that out has actually helped. Let's streamline.
A. continue/ramp up devotion work. Especially with ol' Anpu. See what comes of it.
B. focus on one or two areas of magickal practice and get to the point where I feel confident in my Practice again before branching out any more.
C. start poking around in the ashes of that blistering scorched part of my Being that used to love Druidism & see what's salvageable.
And the Journey continues.