Boy, was I right.
I always knew that there was something distinctly NOT Druidic about the practice of that group. I remember once, early in my tutelage there, I was online in a Pagan chat group (remember those?) and referred to our Practice as "Celtic Wiccan". Good gods the stir that caused! "Wicca is not Celtic!" was the cry and I was effectively smacked down. When relaying the conversation to my husband/teacher, his response was a vehement "We are NOT Wiccan!". I was confused. I tried to nail him down on the subject... because I sincerely could NOT see what made our Practice different from the Wiccan groups we sometimes Circled with. I wasn't trying to argue or debate him, I just didn't understand. What made us Druidic, exactly? I never got a firm answer. In fact, all I got was belligerence & anger. He HATED being questioned, especially where HIS GROVE was concerned. So, I shut the fuck up & went along with his delusion. Called myself Druidess for years.
Go ahead, you can say it. I was a sucker. My continued ignorance was my own fault.
There was absolutely nothing stopping me from picking up a damn book & reading about modern Druidry. There was absolutely nothing stopping me from visiting any number of the available websites on the subject to compare & contrast & educate myself. I simply didn't. I went along with his charade and, in the years following our separation, have bumbled from one area of study to the next feeling wholly unsatisfied & wanting.
So, I finally picked up a damn book. I have even visited numerous websites! I have found that my suspicions have been absolutely confirmed. I was NOT trained in a Druidic Grove. Calling of the Watchtowers, casting a Circle, HP & HPs invoking the God/Goddess: Wiccan, Wiccan, Wiccan. Except for that first part, apparently that was Golden Dawn. In fact, the only thing that even remotely represented anything Druidic in our Ritual was the Gods & Goddesses we called on. I mean, that and we usually practiced outside. Near trees.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
X & I stayed up much too late last night discussing all of this. I confess feeling duped. I am embarrassed. And I am more fucking determined than ever. I've decided to join ADF (Ar nDraiocht Fein) and begin their coursework. I find that I want to learn about Druidism as much now, if not MORE so, than I did when I first met my "Druid" ex-husband 14 years ago. The right way this time. My sincere hope is to find my Spiritual Home. If nothing else, I will have tried and I will KNOW and I will move on to continue seeking.
This is going to require an absolute rework of what I know about Ritual and a great deal of study/introspection. I relish it & look forward to every step of the way.